Endurance

It struck me today as i was driving towards the hospital that the human body is an extraordinary thing!

We all walk around not thinking of the effort our brain has to put in to enable us to put one foot in front off the other.
We breathe freely without thinking how we know to draw the life saving oxygen in.
We eat freely savouring the flavours over a fancy dinner or if you’re more like me stuffing whatever comes to hand to satisfy our hunger.
We use our eyes every single moment of consciousness but most of
us arent even really seeing what we are looking at.

We take our bodys for granted every single day without a thought of how we would cope if we lost control over it.

I hope no one else i know ever has to find out what its like to lose the control.

Hubby is still in hospital. Today is day 14. He’s angry. I’m angry. The kids are..well if I’m honest they are ok as it seems children are a lot more accepting of situations. But they miss thier Dad.

We are currently waiting for radiotherapy to zap these brain tumours into submission. We also still don’t have a name for the tumours although I’m thinking i might name them myself in the absence of the biopsy results. I’ll have a think 😉

The steroids that hubby has been put on are little short of miraculous. The pressure in the brain has been reduced enabling him to be able to walk with support. They have stopped the bone crushing headaches. They have reduced the tremors to almost zero.
Better than all that they have increased his appetite. Almost to the point where i cant keep up with the amount of food he wants.
We know that the steroids are just masking the symptoms and that the real medicine is the radiotherapy but i truly believe that feeling better in yourself is half the battle.
So whether this is ‘fake’ feeling better or not it’ll do for now.

The endurance that this man shows every single day truly amazes me. The battering his body has taken over the last almost 3 years shows a core of strength that most people can only dream of having.

The survival instinct is in all of us and watching him every single day is proof of that.

So if you think you’re having a bad day try and remember that someone somewhere is fighting to stay alive stuck in a room without fresh air or the freedom they desire and be truly thankful for the steps you take unaided the air that you breathe and the world around you.

Chit Chat

Isn’t it funny that no matter where you go people are having the same conversations that we all have with each other.

Clinic ,football, local shop, supermarket, school gates, village Facebook pages. We all chat and repeat the same things.  At clinic it is so reassuring though. We listen in to other peoples conversations shamelessly. Im not even embarrassed. Im nosy. Always have been and always will be. So if you see me sitting there quietly be assured I am most definitely listening in to your chat ;).

Hubby finds it good to know that he isn’t the only one still feeling tired, the only one who worries constantly. Last weeks listening sport was all about how one of the ladies in the same clinic as him discovered that she had leukaemia. She was tired, achy etc.. etc…  and another one who just put it down to working to hard. God don’t we all. I ache and whinge most days but I think that’s probably more to do with being incredibly unfit and my age. Still I’ll take that over the big L any day.

Anyway what’s new I hear you ask. Or not as your probably bored s###less by now Here’s the good news. Nothings new! Still tackling the gvhd in the mouth with various mouthwashes and drops etc.. but that’s it. How lovely! When its boring and nothing is happening that’s the best thing we could hope for. We should hopefully find out this Thursday hubbys latest BCR-ABL results so keep your fingers crossed for him that its still going in the right direction.

The kids are growing at a stupid rate. Must be all that food they put away. They are walking talking waste disposals. I just don’t know where it all goes. The boy child drives us mad with his grunting, messy, deodorant spraying till we all choke, leaving homework till the very last second, at least one email a week from tutors way. The girl child rarely leaves her bedroom apart from for food or to argue with the boy and likes to snap and roll her eyes at us every time she does.Who doesn’t love a teenager!!

I continue to write lists and ocd tidy and clean everyday ( when im not reading or watching the latest reality TV show) I look after my garden and have started getting it ready for winter. I’m already planning next years flowers although I’m going simple and easy to look after as I’m hoping very much that I will be in some sort of gainful employment by then and wont have as much time on my hands!( Which will mean that my lovely hubby will no longer need me so much which is also a good thing for him) I’m also determined that I will somehow learn how to do the cat eye flick that every woman I see is wearing these days. Seriously how hard can it be and why do I look like I’ve been in a fight after each attempt! 

More importantly I am determined to give up smoking. I’ve even signed up to Stoptober…I’ve had one failed attempt but I’m reassuring myself that its not yet October so that’s not a complete fail yet. Lets face it I have more reason than most to quit..and this time I will.. I hope! So in the meantime I will stop pretending to myself that I’m gonna diet and embrace the extra curves I have for now. One step at a time I reckon. Also its nearly Christmas so lets be honest,the diet will start in January along with every other person in the world.